Milestones, missteps, metamorphoses, and me

I have a feeling 2019 is going to be an interesting year for me. And I hope more like interesting in a good way and not in that Chinese curse “may you live in interesting times” way.

You see, I am turning 50 in May.  And I am pretty sure I am not where I want to be when I do turn 50. To be honest, I am still trying to think about what I want to be when I am 25. So 50, that’s a bit of a mindf*&k.

The problem is I find no matter what birthday it is,  I am always looking towards the next year or next milestone. “When I’m 30 or 40, or when I’m, ugh, 50” – looking to a future that never really arrives. And that is a problem. Always looking to the future is just as bad as always looking to the past. They both rob you of the present. Why is that bad? Change, real change, happens in the present. Growth happens in the present. Wallowing in “somedays and when I’m’s” is not a healthy thing, unless you are not keeping one foot in the present. You can’t take the final step if you are not bothering to take the first.

The last year or so I have tried to be more in the present. And I have had  more moments of being in the present (complete with endless moments wallowing in the past  or “some day-ing” the future.) Even this blog, I have thought about writing in it every day,  perhaps posting once a week. But when was the last time I actually posted? Yeah, exactly.

So, in 2019, I want to continue focusing on my present –  mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. And for reasons that I will get into in another post, I have adopted a slogan for 2019 – Just for today.  Just for today, I will walk the bike path with Sadie in the morning. Just for today, I will work out in the evening. Just for today, I will eat better. Just for today, I will focus on the good. Just for today, I will work on a blog post. Just for today, I will continue to work on myself mentally, physically, financially and emotionally.

Not in the future. Today.

 

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