2019 started out so hopeful, I was getting it done. It being life. I had constructed one that was productive and purposeful. For once, my life appeared to be going pretty darn well. Like a well-oiled machine.
I was waking up early, walking every morning for two miles with Sadie. These walks let me center myself and prepare for the day, and got Sadie some much-needed exercise. I would go to work with a new sense of commitment. Trying to be mindful and present for the day. Although with rumors of layoffs, I had finished up my resume, hoping to see what else was out there. I even found a promising lead. I ended each day working out at the gym and reflecting on the day. On the weekends, and some mornings, I managed my household. Even if it was just a household of two, myself and Sadie. I managed to get in some writing, both blog and prospective freelance. Financially and physically I was back on track for Paris.
It was a magical three weeks. I was crushing it. Actually, both Sadie and I were crushing it. Then it happened. LIFE happened. Oh Life, you vixen.
Of course, it was a Monday. I was working from home since there had been a snowfall. It was the 14th. That afternoon I took Sadie out to walk. After she zoomed and zoomed around the neighbor’s yard, she started to trot up their shoveled walk when it happened. I heard her yelp and then hop along on three legs. I was not sure what happened at first, so I brought her home and let her rest. When she was three wheeling it the next day, we went to the vet. That is where we got the bad news. She tore her cranial cruciate ligament. Surgery was needed and our two-mile, morning walks were now on hold. We scheduled her surgical consult the following Monday. The cost, $3K-$5K. Ouch.
Then Thursday came. Thursday is my work from home day because I have therapy in the morning. It was a normal day. That afternoon I was working with Sadie napping at my feet, now that she was on a sort of bed rest. Then two things hit me all at once. A recommendation from a friend who found a job opening they thought would be a good fit for me in advance of said layoffs. And then immediately after, what felt like the flu smacked me in the face.
The flu came all at once, the aches, the chills, and the dizziness. But I powered through, setting aside the job posting for later and focused on my work at hand. I continued to power through on Friday, going to the office when I woke up in the morning and found I had felt rested. That did not last long. In hours it was back I, the aches, chills, and dizziness. So I finished out my day, drove home and got into bed. And there I stayed until Monday.
Monday I worked from home. Sadie had her consult that day as well. I was going to just suck it up and power through. It was the flu, a glorified cold. I could handle it. So I took Sadie in where we found out that for sure, yes, she needed surgery as well as an EKG to rule out an issue with a heart murmur.
On Tuesday, I told work that I had the flu and would stay at home and work there. My boss asked if the doctor actually diagnosed it or was I just saying I “had the flu.” Well, I am 49 and I am pretty sure I know what the flu is but I decided to make an appointment with the doctor the next morning. My breathing was shallower, my voice had changed and I wanted to be able to call work and say, yes, I have the flu, so suck it.
So I went to the doctor feeling like I was overreacting. He would look at me and shake his head and just tell me I need to take a few more doses of Nyquil. After going over my vitals, I was sent to get a chest X-ray. Boy did I feel stupid. I was overreacting, I was going to have to pay for an X-ray (yes I have insurance but does insurance pay for everything? No.) So afterward, I sat in the exam room, apologizing to the doctor for my overreacting and that I felt stupid. He then turned to me and said that had I not come in I would have been “stupider.” He is frank like that.
Turns out LIFE had other plans. I did not have the flu. I had bacterial pneumonia.
I couldn’t have pneumonia! I was JUST getting my shit together. My shit being life. I had walking and workouts I needed to do, to get in shape for Paris. I needed to apply for that job that looked promising. I was JUST starting my blog again. My house was a mess and the dog hair was actually flowing down the hall like tumbleweeds. My dog needed surgery. I wanted to find some freelance work to supplement my income and her surgery. My workplace was literally going through layoffs the very moment I was having my chest X-ray taken. I could not afford to look like a slacker (yes, taking a sick day meant slacking to me.)
But I did. I had pneumonia. All of the above would just have to wait. And I would have to learn that waiting was all we could do sometimes. So I waited. And I slept. I slept for six days straight. So I drank a lot of fluids and ate whatever was at home, cleaning out the cabinets, refrigerator, and freezer. Only leaving the house so Sadie could relieve herself. I started back at work slowly the following Wednesday, staying at home.
Almost three weeks have passed since Sadie hurt herself. Two-and-a-half weeks since I first got sick. I have never spent so much time actively doing nothing, just letting my body heal. Sleeping and watching Netflix were not procrastination, they were prescribed.
I can breathe now. I will be going to the doctor in the morning to hopefully get the all clear. I am told my cough will linger and I won’t be back to 100% for a few weeks. Sadie healed a bit too. Though she still needs surgery. She uses her hind leg a little and has proven to me that when it is time to put her on bed rest, I am in trouble.
Paris will still be there in May, whatever shape I am in. My walks and workouts will slowly resume. The blog posts, like this one, will come. My job is thankfully still there, having survived the layoffs. Sadie will have me back at 100% so she can have surgery and convalesce. I will figure out the finances. My house will be clean again, just not now.
And while I may not have felt like I had it together the last few weeks. It being life. I have to admit, my life still appears to be going pretty darn well. Not quite a well-oiled machine, but a functioning one none the less.